Expectations

This is from March 21st...

Today I am grateful for:

1. Blue living room paint
2. Hours long talks with my husband
3. sad, rainy days
4. losing my 3 babies
5. the week my husband thought he wanted a divorce
6. my sore, twice-bitten tongue! (ouch!)
7. our lack and fear of sex (sex causes babies...babies that die)
8. my God who loves me
9. the truck not selling
10. 10.4 lbs lost in exactly one month!

I am supposed to write about boundaries right now but in all honesty I don't feel that it is an issue at the moment. I might come back to it another day.....

I listened to The Hippy talk a little about expectations today at an Al-Anon meeting where he was the speaker. We shouldn't have expectations of others of others without their consent. I realize that I had/have a lot of expectations for my husband and God. I expected that because I was doing or feeling or wanting one thing that they were to do something too, something to make it happen.

I expected that as I grieved for our babies that my husband would be what I needed. I expected that he could be what I needed at all times. Me expectations were not met so I became sadder, angrier, needier. Meanwhile, these behaviors of mine ruined his expectations of me.

I had expectations of God too. I expected Him to give me healthy babies because I wanted them and I expected them immediately. I expected Him to keep my husband free from addiction since he was free from addiction when we met and married. I expected babies and God has His own reasons and timing and the only thing I should expect from Him is His love and forgiveness and for Him to carry me through this.

He hasn't failed on those.

The only other expectations we can have are those that the other person agreed on. So I think that my husband and I need to our "expectations" to meet in the middle.